Whether you've been married 2 years or twenty, there may come a time in which you and your partner don't feel as if you can go on living together as a couple. Maybe it's just one of you who doesn't feel like the marriage can continue. Do you go ahead and get a divorce? Do you try to make things work? Can things work if just one of you want to give it a try?
If your spouse has filed for divorce, you will have two options – contest it or go with an uncontested divorce. An uncontested divorce typically goes more smoothly and has fewer legal requirements to get the divorce finalized. If you contest the divorce, the court may order that you go through marriage counseling and complete other requirements before the divorce can be finalized.
Working with a divorce mediator can help you get a good idea of what will come of your divorce. Instead of paying the high cost of lawyers, you can have a mediator working with you and your spouse to come up with a good solution. He or she can help you divide your assets, come up with a plan for child and spousal support, as well as custody of the kids and even the pets.
If you aren't ready to give up on your marriage, contesting the divorce is likely your only option. This will put a pause on the divorce proceedings and give you a little more time to try to work things out. Be aware that contesting it can cause your spouse to get frustrated and sometimes angry with you. After all, he or she just wants to get out as quickly as possible and for the least amount of money he or she can. If you contest, you will likely not get much accomplished with a mediator as things with a contested divorce can typically get messy.
Many times, just one spouse wants the divorce while the other wants to work on the marriage and fix the things that were causing the problems. Many counselors will tell you that it is possible to make things work even if this is the case. Some advice they may give you is this:
- Don't beg for your spouse's love. It can actually cause him or her to pull away further.
- Don't fight over the little things. Those small battles that you have each day that really don't amount to much – skip them. Bite your tongue and let it go – for now.
- Don't be miserable. Your spouse won't want to be around you if you're angry or sad all of the time. Yes, this is a difficult time and your emotions are in an uproar, but do your best to stay as upbeat as possible when he or she is around.
Stop and think about what you want, what's best for your family and what can be achieved, then talk with a professional mediator or counselor to help come to a good decision about the next step. For more information, contact establishments like The Divorce Company.